fbpx Seeing the Other | Reconstructing Judaism

Seeing the Other

Article

Recently I was invited to teach a group of queer Jewish undergraduates who on their own initiative, organized themselves into a group that meets weekly over dinner at the campus Hillel Foundation (Jewish Center) to discuss topics and issues of common concern. They asked me to speak on “Queering Jewish Theology,” and I led them for an hour through a study of several traditional sacred texts that suggest ways that human beings might engage with God in a way that does not depend on the approval of communal human authorities.

Most 22-year-old queer Jews today who have been raised in non-Orthodox Jewish settings have not experienced overt condemnation or rejection by their families, their Jewish communities, or their rabbis. This is indeed wonderful. The liberal Jewish world has become inclusive of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people with incredible speed over the last 35 years. But that is not the end of the story, as I was reminded by this encounter.

The young women and men I taught and with whom I spoke afterwards were recovering from the fact that a beloved queer rabbi who had been on the Hillel staff for their student careers was gone. A number of them said that if it had not been for this rabbi, they would never have considered walking through the Hillel doors in the first place. She had modeled for them an enthusiastic embrace of Jewish study and prayer that included the assumption that a lot of reinterpretation and healing was required to make this beloved tradition accessible to queer people.

Millennia of teachings that rendered same-sex attraction invisible and detestable are not so easily erased. At every Jewish wedding ceremony, the couple is compared to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. No harm intended? Perhaps, but in the twenty-first century, there are endless slights in the biblical and rabbinic texts and in the words or prayers and rituals that go unnoticed by straight people.

This queer rabbi had led these students through this thicket of heteronormativity by creating a safe container in which they could voice their discomfort when it arose and experiment with modifying the words and beliefs we inherit. “We want to learn,” one of them said, “how to talk back to these texts. We ourselves don’t know enough to do that without the help of a Jewish scholar.”

The remaining staff rabbis at this Hillel Foundation are well-intentioned. They tell these students that they are welcome and included, that they are treated like anyone else. The staff even provides a place for a weekly dinner and the funds to bring in guest speakers like me. These students appreciate all that, but they don’t feel comfortable with the straight rabbis. They don’t feel understood by them because, in fact, they are not everyone else. They have distinctive needs that arise out of an age-old heteronormative Jewish tradition and from the particular challenges that queer people face in contemporary society. They need to be accepted, but accepted for who they are. They need to be seen.

In this multi-ethnic society, we don’t hear the term “melting pot” used anymore. But there are unstated assumptions that remain nevertheless. We see the other through the prism of our own view of reality. How many times have I been asked if Passover is the Jewish Easter—asked by people who are extending their hands in friendship and trying to understand me through their own frames of reference? You can be tolerant, inclusive, even welcoming of an individual or a group whom you don’t actually see.

“Sing unto the Lord a new song,” the Psalmist proclaims. The good news is that new groups with new identities continue to emerge singing new songs. Each of us is part of a misunderstood minority in one respect and a misunderstanding majority in another.

Because Jews were slaves in Egypt, we should always be capable of empathy with those who are as yet still invisible.

This content was originally published on the website of The First Day, at http://firstdaypress.org

Professor Emeritus of Jewish Philosophy and Spirituality; Founding Director, Jewish Spiritual Direction Program; Director, Evolve: Groundbreaking Conversations

Related Resources

News and Blogs

America's First Bat Mitzvah and its Legacy for American Jewish Life

The first American bat mitzvah took place nearly a century ago, but its effects reverberate to this day. This podcast episode explores how the bat mitzvah helped pave the way for greater inclusion of women in public Jewish ritual and practice and laid the groundwork for further steps toward inclusion.

News
News and Blogs

Online Exhibit on Women Rabbis Expands

The Jewish Women’s Archive (JWA) this month expanded its online exhibit “Women Rabbis,” which highlights nearly a dozen Reconstructionist clergy as well as the history of the movement. 

News
News and Blogs

The Poor People’s Campaign, a National Call for Moral Revival

The RRA recently became a partner of the Poor People’s Campaign (PPC). In the last two weeks the PPC has coordinated rallies and acts of civil disobedience in over 30 state capitals, including the participation of over 15 RRA members. 

News
News and Blogs

Drawing Comfort from Community

Belonging connects us to something larger than our own individual experience. I belong to the Jewish people because claiming this connection enters me into a millennia-old conversation and joins me into community both vertical—all those who came before me and all those who follow—and horizontal—the Jews of today, in all our diversity.

News
News and Blogs

Reconstructionist Communities Make Disability Inclusion a Top Priority

With a welcoming ethos and a drive to break down barriers, Reconstructionist congregations and havurot have been part of a revolution that’s taken place in the public awareness of the importance of disability inclusion and related services.

News
News and Blogs

Why Belong?

Why belong to the Jewish people? Why belong to a synagogue? Why belong to the Reconstructionist movement? These are some of the most important questions that I am asked and that I, along with all of us at Reconstructing Judaism, strive to answer powerfully and convincingly.

News
News and Blogs

Keeping Judaism Alive Behind Prison Walls

Serving Jewish prisoners in state prison, rabbinic students find new perspectives on freedom and responsibility.

News
News and Blogs

Striving Towards Racial Justice in our Jewish Communities

Reflections on the recent Jewish Social Justice roundtable meeting on racial justice and equity.

News

To Read More...

Further resources on embracing the stranger within.

Article

A Stranger in Two Communities: Second-Generation American and Jewish Convert

The lines of “inside” and “outside” are not always clear, as a second-generation American and Jewish convert attests. 

Article

To Read More...

Further resources on embracing the stranger face-to-face

Article

Hagar the Stranger

To love the stranger represents an outrageous leap out of the typical moral economy, in which we do kindnesses and expect to be repaid in kind. In loving the stranger, we transcend self-interest.

Sermon

Strange Thoughts: A New Take on Loving the Stranger

To truly live justly, we need to move out of our comfort zones and embrace unfamiliar ideas and habits of mind. 

Article
News and Blogs

Let's Journey Together

In an essay that appeared in Philadelphia’s Jewish Exponent, Rabbi Deborah Waxman, Ph.D., makes the case that Reconstructionist Judaism matters now more than ever.

News

“Straight-Welcoming?!” – Creating an Inclusive Community

Lesser describes the evolution of an LGBT synagogue and dissects the meaning of inclusive community.

Article